Once I started the Provera, I became even more crazy with all of my temping, charting, ovulation testing, etc. Since I forced the March period, I was sure the April one would come on a normal 28-32 day cycle. So days 12-18, I pounced. And let me tell you, that's not as easy as it was in college. I swore to myself that when I got married, I would never be one of those women who said I was too tired to make love to my husband. But sometimes, that's the truth! And at this point, it's not a passionate, rip-your-clothes off moment. It's an "ok, I think my egg is dropping now, we only have 12 hours" thing. And that is not at all sexy.
I waited for the period to come sometime at the end of April (or at least, I was hoping it wouldn't for the sake of getting pregnant this time around!). And it didn't! Here we go again! The Provera worked! Did I mention that Dr. C started having me come in on Day 21 to test if I had indeed ovulated? And I did, so maybe this time really did work. Thank goodness. I am so in love with Sean, but baby-making 4-5 times a week every week is hard to do.
I took a pregnancy test around day 35. Negative. Now this is getting pretty annoying. I'm not pregnant, but I'm ovulating, but I'm not having a regular cycle. I called Dr. C again, and went in for another blood test. Negative. She told me to go ahead and start Provera again and this time, she added in Pregnitude which was a dietary supplement to "promote regular ovulation, promote regular menstrual cycles, and increase the quality of eggs released in each ovulatory cycle." Since it was a dietary supplement, I had no problem taking it. Mix it in 2 glasses of water a day, and healthy ovaries here I come. It also kinda tasted good :)
Around this time, I also started acupuncture. My mom has always been a fan of it and I totally believe that Eastern medicine works. It's been around for so long, so this should totally help get my cycles back on track. I found a great acupuncturist and started going for a little zen (because when you introduce medication into baby-making, it gets super stressful), help with resetting my reproductive area, and also maybe a little migraine relief as well. She advised that I come weekly for a few months to really work through the regulation of my cycle. We wouldn't know if it worked until a few months anyway, so weekly would give us the best chance.
Are we keeping track now? Provera, Pregnitude, Acupuncture, along with "perfectly" timed baby-making. That's a lot to keep track of. I finally had a period around day 50, and was certain that this new cocktail would work for the next month. Maybe I could get pregnant in May, and then announce it on my 30th birthday in July! Ok perfect, so we have a new plan in place... new announcement in place... I've totally got this.
One thing I didn't get, however, was that none of this would work unless God wanted it to work. I started to lose sight of faithfulness and started to expect grace. My prayers started sounding like this: "Dear Lord, thank you so much for your love. Thank you for this life, my family, and for all the things you have given me. But I also ask that you please bless me with a baby..." Thank you, but? Please give me more? The problem was that I was just going through the motions. God already knows what's on my heart. But I thought that if I kept asking, he would finally give. It's something I look back on now and I feel so ashamed. He is the giver of life and gave the ultimate sacrifice, and I'm still expecting more? It would take another major step and many more months for me to completely abandon control and get back to trusting the Lord completely. I was walking on thin ice and didn't even realize that my faith was wavering.